My family and my existence has been plagued by a debilitating genetic neuromuscular condition. I have written much on the topic. In large, as a cry for solidarity and compassion, like a small child. However, in the last decade, I have learned much about perseverance and human tolerance for compassion. Neither are infinite.
Urged on by former colleagues and my wife, I am working on assembling my writings into a book. My lovely wife insists I do this for my children and their progeny as they deserve to have the chance to know the trials and tribulations we have been through. They deserve to know how much their father and grandfather love them. They deserve to know that no one is innocent, not even me. That I bear a share of the blame for my ostracization from my blood kin.
The ultimate outcome, I hope, could be used as a warning to others suffering with NMDs. The pain and crippling is not only physical, but takes its toll on the mind, friendships and trust relationships with the medical field and the point of living in general.
The book is taking a life of its own. I was a counterintelligence agent with clearance and access to some of the worlds most critical secrets. It took a lot for me to face my past. I continue to wrestle with what I have witnessed in the shadows of my past. I am tired of running scared and scarred. It is time to turn that page. Only I can’t do that until I lay down the lines of my past. Looking to the past to look forward.
With this, I resign myself to the reader to decide if I will ever meet the criteria and goals I have self-set. I love people and humans everywhere. I just don’t have the capacity or ability to be as nice and generous as I so hope I could be.
Thanks for reading,
Jay C. “Jazzy J” Theriot