Yesterday’s post was a mild introduction. I would like to talk about the psycho-social part of it for a while, as I have scant medical data that is anything but conjecture or obvious to give you.
I realized very long ago that this illness/disorder or whatever it is, doesn’t only affect me. The obvious others are my wife and family. However, there are more. As my abilities decline, to fast for my likes, I have embarked on a journey of personal challenges. I enjoy every celebration of the Holy Mass like it would be my last. I am additionally blessed that I am a Eucharistic Minister and have the Holy privilege of serving on the Altar and the congregants. The experience can only be described as uplifting. The entire congregation is affected. I have many, many people that come to me and uplift me with their very kind and humbling critiques of my efforts to read my assigned parts of the service. I grieve for them with every comment because I know my ability will decline as the challenges grow. It is only God Himself that will sustain my voice until He doesn’t. At that point, I will sit in the pew, hopefully, and gaze upon the Cross with spiritual dedication.
All these people, all these comments, affect me deeply. These are truly an additional source of energy that fuel my tenacity and determination to rage against the tide. Since my beginning, I have wanted to leave positive footprints on the world. My goals and objectives were often for the good of others. In my arrogance and haughtiness my expectations were that these footprints would be large. I rejected the notion that the world is changed one small act of kindness at a time. I followed those principles in my heart and in my actions, but there was no belief in the journey.
When I began working with Ochsner, that notion was fulfilled, much to my ama zement. My first hospital had 649 computers and additional servers which needed to be migrated from the LSUHSC network to Ochsner’s network. I inadvertently became the lead engineer on the project with another migration from XP to Windows 7 on 18,000 other systems within the Ochsner network. My technicians were treating the computers like the machines they were and people were getting upset. I explained to them that the computer systems were machines, but the reason for the placement of those machines was that a human being needed this and used it as a home. The computer systems were where they spent most of their lives. We were brutally and radically changing everything they were comfortable with. So, in rebuilding the system, I suggested they talk to the users softly and explain the benefits of upgrading and grant them assurances that everything would be alright.
I realized my touch on the world, nee my footprints, were now into the thousands. The notion is right. The world is changed one small act of kindness at a time.
My panic is that I will no longer be able to touch people. My wife, my kids, the congregation. I love them all and they are going to fade from my reach as the evil inside my DNA becomes too much for us to manage.
We will be OK. My desire and focus from now until then will be to serve those to the best of my ability and Soldier On.
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